In her epigraph to Upstream: Selected Essays, Mary Oliver shares this quote from Shelley’s “On Love”:
…in solitude, or in that deserted state when we are surrounded by human beings and yet they sympathize not with us, we love the flowers, the grass and the waters and the sky. In the motion of the very leaves of spring in the blue air there is then found a secret correspondence with our heart.
In her first essay, Oliver describes how, as a youngster, she wandered in solitude upstream in the woods, away from family, immersing herself in the sights and sounds and smells…and silence of the blossoms. She writes, “In the beginning, I was so young and such a stranger to myself I hardly existed. I had to go out into the world to see it and hear it and react to it, before I knew at all who I was…”
This got me wondering which of my young experiences contributed to setting patterns in me. Immediately the colorful little shells on the beach came to mind, along with remembering my skin feeling gritty with sand.
On sunny summer days at the beach, I nuzzled my body into that hot sand, nose to the ground, searching for tiny shells striped with pastel colors, every one different. When I’d collected all within reach and absorbed the sand’s heat, I inched forward on my stomach. Each new position brought a deeply satisfying sting of fresh heat and renewed the hunt.
Later I picked through my precious collection, loving the colors and designs. My mom gave me a square straw purse with a flat top where I could glue the shells. I carefully chose and arranged my favorites, and carried that purse proudly. I didn’t know till today that they were coquina shells, tiny clams.
Oliver says, “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” My attention to color and design wove through the years. In summer camp, we made lanyards — I recall combining the unlikely pair of orange and maroon, being thrilled by the result. And every spring my grammar school yard was carpeted with purple jacaranda petals: Stunning visions of bright purple on the black asphalt background will never leave me. I also used to sit intently at my desk pressing crayons hard to strengthen their vibrance as I created plaid patterns.
In Annals of the Former World, John McPhee says something like: varied topography, surface appearances, are temporary expressions of the same underlying processes. Foundational themes appear and reappear as they weave through the eons. Color and pattern are themes in my expressions through the years…and have left outcrops like these along the way. They have all corresponded with my heart.
Wildflower Riot
(acrylic on canvas)
